I am so good at planning conversations in my head.
I envision the scenario, physically talk it out when no one else is around, and then store the dialogue away so that I supposedly can use it when the perfect opportunity to initiate the conversation arrives. (You're probably thinking that I'm a bit crazy right now, but this is seriously what I do since I have quite a bit of social anxiety... especially on subjects that I'm uncomfortable with.)
About 95% of the time, however, this doesn't work.
Emotions take over immediately after I either reach the perfect opportunity OR start the conversation, and it goes absolutely nothing like I wanted it to.
And then I spend hours afterwards thinking about how I missed a chance to talk about something or didn't say the right thing or accidentally said the wrong thing or blah blah blah blah.
But... why?
Why do I dwell on the past and adjust memories to my liking? Why do I physically plan out the future? No matter how much I look into the past or future, one of them is irreversible and the other is about as predictable as Iowa's weather.
I need to quit being bound by the thoughts of what others thought or will think and just flow with it. What's done is done... and what's going to happen is in God's hands.
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