A Heavy Heart

I've had a heavy heart today.

I wish that I knew exactly what's causing it, but I can't put my finger on it. Am I growing too selfish? Am I being ignorant? Or am I really just missing something in my life to bring me joy?

I find myself getting sad or upset over the littlest things.

I find myself dreading future events that I really have no reason to dread at all.

On a campus with 30,000 students, I feel so alone...

How is that even possible? How is it that I've not managed to find one person over the course of 10 and a half weeks that I feel like I can share personal stuff with? I have so many friends up here, and yet I feel like I'm just convincing myself that they're friends when they're really more like acquaintances.

I had such an awesome weekend at home. However, I'm starting to think that these trips home are unhealthy for me, because they just encourage me to miss the people at home even more when I return to college rather than gaining independence from them. Is that what I want? Less contact with those that I love? Certainly not, but I also don't want to feel so alone up here.

So much... stuff going on in this heavy heart.

God, help me empty out that garbage that's filling in the spaces of my heart, because it's just weighing me down.