Thanksgiving break really turned out to be more of an eye-opener than I expected.
Actually, I'm not really sure what I was expecting when I went home. I think that I definitely painted myself a very rosy picture of what I wanted everything to be like for the five days that I spent there, but that ended up being totally unrealistic as the week drug on and I found myself longing to return to Iowa City.
A lot of wounds were reopened this week, and it hurts. Especially after the healing process that God has put me through over the past month. But as a good friend of mine told me this morning, "you make the choice to keep moving forward... lean to God."
Those are such simple, yet wise words. It's just another choice, isn't it?
However, I'm happy that I went through the pain of going home with week because it helped me work on so many important "faith lessons"...
- Self-Conviction. This is never something that I've struggled with, it's just something that I've always thought was unimportant, but it really isn't. The ability to identify my own sins is far more important than being able to identify anyone else's.
- Perseverance. Back in September, I was pleading to God to clear up the tremendous stress in my life. Crying. Begging. Everything that I could possibly do. Three months later, I understand that there was a purpose for all of it.
- Forgiveness. This is by far the most difficult one. God makes it look so easy... but it's really not, because I'm a human and I so badly want to retaliate when I'm wronged. But I won't.
A rather troublesome week was closed off by one of the most fantastic Saturdays that I've ever had. I got paid 50 bucks to go to two sporting events, enjoyed some much-needed alone time in my dorm room, and talked with my best friend for nearly two hours before going to sleep. I also experienced my first wrestling meet at Carver Hawkeye with a few good friends whilst enjoying a nice little concoction of Coca Cola and... something else...
Oops, did I say that? :)
Tomorrow is December 1st. This means that I am only 19 days away from completing my first semester at the University of Iowa. Do you know what the sad part of this is? I don't want to wait another month to return. I wish that I could come home briefly for Christmas, enjoy the company of my family and a few good friends, enjoy three days on a (warm) bowl trip, and then return to Iowa City for the spring.
Alas, that is not how it works... but I am hopeful that God has great things in store for my month at home for Christmas break. Because even though this past week was rough, it strengthened me in a way that I didn't really expect it too.
It's funny...
God never uses obvious scenarios to strengthen us, does He? It's always those random curveballs that sometimes smack you in the stomach...
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Little Miss
I don't really care for a lot of what is played on country radio nowadays, but there are a few songs here and there that are incredible in a 90's-country sort of way.
One such song is "Little Miss" by Sugarland. Although this was actually released a few years ago, I've only recently actually taken the time to listen to its lyrics... and it hits home for me in so many ways. It is about a girl who constantly gives her love to everybody at her own expense and sometimes feels as though she is alone in the world. Because the people who care the most about others are usually the ones that feel loneliest... this a sad truth, but it is real.
Take a listen. Jennifer Nettles has a pretty twangy voice, so if you can uncover the lyrics beneath it, you won't be disappointed. :)
One such song is "Little Miss" by Sugarland. Although this was actually released a few years ago, I've only recently actually taken the time to listen to its lyrics... and it hits home for me in so many ways. It is about a girl who constantly gives her love to everybody at her own expense and sometimes feels as though she is alone in the world. Because the people who care the most about others are usually the ones that feel loneliest... this a sad truth, but it is real.
Take a listen. Jennifer Nettles has a pretty twangy voice, so if you can uncover the lyrics beneath it, you won't be disappointed. :)
Thursday, November 13, 2014
13 weeks later...
College...
No one really tells you, do they?
No one tells you that the professor in Calculus is going to be scribbling stuff on the board, and you'll just be sitting there gaping at the notations, numbers, and variables and wondering what on earth the purpose of delta-epsilon notation is and trying to wrap your brain around logarithms.
No one tells you that adjusting to living with a brand new person inside of a building full of people that you don't know is going to be one of the hardest changes of your life.
No one tells you that the marching band is one of the biggest reasons why Iowa is the #2 party school, and that the culture of that band is heavily focused on parties, alcohol, and... yeah, more alcohol. And no one tells you that you'll instantly be thrown into that culture during your very first week of band camp.
No one tells you any of that stuff.
However...
You tell yourself that you're going to work hard on Calculus assignments, do lots of extra practice problems, and actually ask for help, and all of a sudden you can actually take the derivative of 3x² - √(sinx + sec²x) and actually understand what it means!
You tell yourself that it's ok to go out and chill with other people on the floor, laugh with your roommate, and have a dance party at 11:00 at night because... why not? No curfew, my homework is done, and we've almost made it through the first semester guys! Woohoo!!!
You tell yourself that this perceived "drinking" culture that's in the marching band is really not as horrible as some people make it out to be, and that it's better to go with the flow, laugh, maybe do a few stupid things, regret it (sort of) in the morning, and look back on that experience with a smile as opposed to sitting in my room all night, by myself, making zero memories.
...
13 weeks ago, no one told me that college would be any of that stuff, and if they had told me, I would've been a distraught mess.
And there have been struggles. The level of anxiety that I experienced throughout the month of September was off the charts.
But today, I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. And it's all because no one told me what college would be... instead, I figured it out on my own.
No one really tells you, do they?
No one tells you that the professor in Calculus is going to be scribbling stuff on the board, and you'll just be sitting there gaping at the notations, numbers, and variables and wondering what on earth the purpose of delta-epsilon notation is and trying to wrap your brain around logarithms.
No one tells you that adjusting to living with a brand new person inside of a building full of people that you don't know is going to be one of the hardest changes of your life.
No one tells you that the marching band is one of the biggest reasons why Iowa is the #2 party school, and that the culture of that band is heavily focused on parties, alcohol, and... yeah, more alcohol. And no one tells you that you'll instantly be thrown into that culture during your very first week of band camp.
No one tells you any of that stuff.
However...
You tell yourself that you're going to work hard on Calculus assignments, do lots of extra practice problems, and actually ask for help, and all of a sudden you can actually take the derivative of 3x² - √(sinx + sec²x) and actually understand what it means!
You tell yourself that it's ok to go out and chill with other people on the floor, laugh with your roommate, and have a dance party at 11:00 at night because... why not? No curfew, my homework is done, and we've almost made it through the first semester guys! Woohoo!!!
You tell yourself that this perceived "drinking" culture that's in the marching band is really not as horrible as some people make it out to be, and that it's better to go with the flow, laugh, maybe do a few stupid things, regret it (sort of) in the morning, and look back on that experience with a smile as opposed to sitting in my room all night, by myself, making zero memories.
...
13 weeks ago, no one told me that college would be any of that stuff, and if they had told me, I would've been a distraught mess.
And there have been struggles. The level of anxiety that I experienced throughout the month of September was off the charts.
But today, I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. And it's all because no one told me what college would be... instead, I figured it out on my own.
Monday, November 10, 2014
What If
It's getting more and more difficult for me to listen to pop music now that things like "Anaconda" are plaguing the radio. I actually think that song is kind of catchy, but the lyrics are so horribly sexual that it makes me wonder how society has actually slipped to this level and allowed this stuff to enter the radio waves.
However, there is one song in particular that I really enjoy. It's called "Secrets".
The song is basically the singer spilling out every fear, every insecurity, and every secret that she has about herself. From her weight to her bipolar disorder, she lays everything out on the table. However, the other lyrics are what really hit me the most:
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one
Who's spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
The song then goes into a chorus that reiterates, "I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are."
After listening to this song several times, I have to ask myself something.
What if everyone in the world was open about their own struggles and insecurities? We've all got them. Mine might be different than yours, and on some days you might have bigger struggles than I do (and vice-versa), but they're all there. What if we could tell even our best friends that we're hurting on the inside instead of putting up the front that we normally do?
Just a thought...
However, there is one song in particular that I really enjoy. It's called "Secrets".
The song is basically the singer spilling out every fear, every insecurity, and every secret that she has about herself. From her weight to her bipolar disorder, she lays everything out on the table. However, the other lyrics are what really hit me the most:
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one
Who's spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
The song then goes into a chorus that reiterates, "I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are."
After listening to this song several times, I have to ask myself something.
What if everyone in the world was open about their own struggles and insecurities? We've all got them. Mine might be different than yours, and on some days you might have bigger struggles than I do (and vice-versa), but they're all there. What if we could tell even our best friends that we're hurting on the inside instead of putting up the front that we normally do?
Just a thought...
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Letting it go
Worrisome, sadness, and general self-pity have basically been consuming my life for the past week to the point where I told myself that I wasn't going to enjoy this weekend at all and would just mope about things. I also was refusing to step outside of my comfort zone in any way at all. I was completely ok with just confining myself to my dorm room and focusing on a Rhetoric paper that I wasn't going to make any progress on anyway.
And then Saturday morning came and... I let that stuff go. I had a great time at the football game. I went out with my parents and appreciated their company, even though they still constantly bicker (I even found myself missing that). I went out with friends that night and did some pretty crazy stuff that I don't regret at all. I woke up early in the morning and threw in laundry, and then relaxed the rest of the morning instead of stressing over this stupid paper. I went to the basketball game and relaxed and watched the game and played my sousaphone. And now I'm eating pizza rolls because pizza rolls are awesome.
I've come to the realization that I have four short years in college (assuming my current plan doesn't change), and I don't want to take one moment of that for granted. I can make smart decisions, manage my time, and still have fun.
I can't believe it took me over 11 weeks to figure that out...
(And you guys thought this post was going to be about Frozen, right? Haha)
And then Saturday morning came and... I let that stuff go. I had a great time at the football game. I went out with my parents and appreciated their company, even though they still constantly bicker (I even found myself missing that). I went out with friends that night and did some pretty crazy stuff that I don't regret at all. I woke up early in the morning and threw in laundry, and then relaxed the rest of the morning instead of stressing over this stupid paper. I went to the basketball game and relaxed and watched the game and played my sousaphone. And now I'm eating pizza rolls because pizza rolls are awesome.
I've come to the realization that I have four short years in college (assuming my current plan doesn't change), and I don't want to take one moment of that for granted. I can make smart decisions, manage my time, and still have fun.
I can't believe it took me over 11 weeks to figure that out...
(And you guys thought this post was going to be about Frozen, right? Haha)
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